


Detatched

by itsallAvengers



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hand-wavey Science, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Torture, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-14
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-10-10 09:45:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17423534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsallAvengers/pseuds/itsallAvengers
Summary: In his dreams, Steve's killing Tony.And then he wakes up, and the HYDRA agent smiles, and a moment later she sends him back under again- a different world, a different day, a different way that Steve is murdering the love of his life.He doesn't know how long he can take this.





	Detatched

**Author's Note:**

> yes this is another whumpy torture fic, it's probably very similar to my other ones but you know what? Two psychologically damaged! Steve fics are better than one so

* * *

Oh God, it was agony. 

Steve shut his eyes and bit his lip, pulling back the scream as it threatened to rip out through his throat. His captors had been at this for hours now. He felt as if his body was going to fall apart, crumble like a sandcastle being hit by a wave. They were killing him. Slowly. 

And he was going to die before he ever opened his mouth. 

“The rules are simple,” the woman said in front of him, sat on her chair, shoulders relaxed and lips drawn into a pleasant smile as Steve sagged on his knees a few feet in front of her, bloody and beaten, “until you tell us where The Winter Solider is, we are going to keep hurting you. We are going to keep you on the brink of life and death, begging for release, and  _we are not going to give it to you_  until you tell us where the Winter Soldier is. Do you understand me, Captain Rogers?”

Steve pulled his head up and spat at her feet. It was red with his blood. “Go fuck yourself, Nazi scum.”

She paused for a moment, and then sighed. He’d said something along those lines every other time she’d attempted to speak to him. And it had been three days, by his count. She had to be getting bored of it by now. 

He wondered what was going to happen to him when he finally made their tempers break. When they finally got sick of his shit.

He wasn’t sure he could physically be in any more pain.

It was a few moments later when she left the room. Maybe she’d said something else. Maybe she hadn’t. Steve couldn’t tell. It was all blurry and cold and wrong. He was pretty sure he was drugged with something or another. He was pretty sure he was dying, too. 

But his team were coming. Tony, Bucky, Bruce, Thor, Nat, Clint, Rhodey, Sam… everyone else. Someone else. They’d find him. They always did.

He spat more blood. He’d been stripped down to an undershirt and what remained of his trousers, cut and ripped from scuffles and knives. Maybe it had been more than three days, now he thought about it. He was so hungry. And tired. But they wouldn’t… they wouldn’t let him sleep. Or eat, or even sit properly. He was chained to the ceiling, and if he dropped any lower than his knees he’d be choked to death. It left him looking like he was begging at whoever came into the room- which, he figured, was the whole point. 

Time passed. How much, he wasn’t sure. But the room got fractionally darker, the guards changed their rounds. 

The woman came back again- this time with two men flanking her. They were holding something. Box. It was a box, big and black and scientific-looking. They type Tony and Bruce kept all their equipment in. 

Bad. That was… that was probably bad. 

He shuffled backward until his shoulders hit the cold walls. Instinctive. Hide, shield yourself. This was going to hurt, and Steve wasn’t sure how much more he could withstand. 

He’d never even get the chance to say goodbye to Tony. 

The woman drew closer, and Steve didn’t know her name, but he knew her face. Knew from before he’d even arrived here- she was one of HYDRA’s enhanced. Stronger, quicker, fitter than the average human. Not at his level, but Steve knew it was what they were working up to. And until then, she was obviously just being used as an interrogator. Which she seemed to be enjoying, by the looks of it.

She knelt in front of him, looking him up and down pityingly. He stared back. He would never lose a staring contest with a person from HYDRA. 

“This doesn’t seem to be working very well, does it?” She crooned softly, fingers tracing the side of his face. “You withstand physical torture rather fantastically. In any other circumstance, I’d be impressed.” Her movements paused and her eyebrow turned upward a little. “Shame. I’d rather hoped we wouldn’t have to get to this stage.”

Something sunk in his chest, and he felt a strange clenching, churning sensation begin deep within: fear. 

She clicked her fingers and brought the two other men forward smoothly, one of them opening the case and setting it out on a stool. Turning, she plucked a needle from the inside of her jacket, glancing between Steve and the device with that same smug little smile. “Captain Rogers, have you ever been shown your worst fears?”

He swallowed. Suddenly, that needle seemed a hell of a lot more scary. 

“I didn’t think so,” her voice was soft, patronizing. She stood, circling Steve whilst her hand remained gently on his shoulder. Meanwhile, he watched apprehensively as the two other men set up a computing device, flicking switches and untangling wires. They stuck one to each of his temples. He tried to shake them off, but to no avail. 

“You would probably call this a hallucinogenic,” she continued, circling like a vulture, “but we like to call it the eternity drug. Want to know why?”

_“Fuck you.”_

She leaned down, whispering in his ear. “Because when people are exposed to it, they feel like the nightmares won’t ever stop.”

He flinched away from her. In his chest, his heart was beating frantically again, but he clenched his eyes shut and tried to rationalise it. He dealt with nightmares all the time. He was strong enough to fight them. They didn’t control him and he knew they weren’t real, not really. This wasn’t going to affect him the way it would a normal fella. Steve Rogers was used to fighting off his own demons. 

When the stab in the back of the neck came, he almost felt prepared. 

“Oh, but here’s an extra fact,” she said as he felt the drug release into his system, “those little computers over there? They can decide what it is you see. I’m sure you’d love to know what it is we have lined up for you, Captain Rogers! It’s going to be so much fun!” There were two delighted claps, and it sent his head spinning with the harsh noise. He winced, but then looked back up at her, defiant. He would always be defiant. They couldn’t break h-

“We’re going to make you kill your husband!”

The bravery got stuck in his throat like bile. Something lurched inside him, and for a moment he was convinced he was going to be sick. But already, he could feel the drug starting to take hold. He wanted to sleep. He had to close his eyes.

But he couldn’t. He needed to fight it. He couldn’t fall asleep, couldn’t let himself… he didn’t want to see what they had to show him-

There was a distant clanging noise, and he fell to the floor with a thud. They’d released his chains. This was it. This was his chance. He could fight it, if he fought it now then he could get out, there were no restraints, he could… he could make it…

His eyes closed with a defeated little hitching of his breath. He felt a hand press against his cheek.

“Sweet dreams, Captain Rogers.”

 

* * *

 

_Bed, home, back in the tower._

_It was sunny. Warm. Steve felt the thick cotton sheets over his bare chest, felt the warmth of another body next to him. Tony was curled into his side, the way he always did-  sleeping and content, snoring gently against Steve’s shoulder. His hair tickled Steve’s chin._

_Steve smiled, rolling over and sliding a leg gently over Tony’s hips. He sat straighter, waiting for Tony to stir, show him those beautiful eyes._

_A second later, he did. Sleepy and barely conscious, Tony smiled up at him. “Hey, sunshine.”_

_Steve didn’t bother responding. Slowly, he lifted his arms, placing each hand around Tony’s delicate neck._

_And he squeezed._

_Tony’s eyes went wide, suddenly realising that something was very wrong. But it was too late, by that point. It had been the moment Steve had woken up and decided he was going to kill the man. He felt hands go around his forearms in panic, trying to push him off. Tony’s legs jerked and attempted to dislodge him. He coughed, choked. Looked at Steve in abject horror, the complete and utter terror in those soft brown eyes making something in Steve squirm-_

-God, fuck, stop it, don’t, wake up wake up wake up-

_He applied the pressure until Tony stopped moving._

 

* * *

 

_In the workshop, home, back in the tower._

_Tony was working on his suits. There was grease on his face and a pencil in his hair, and he looked beautiful, in his element like this. Steve was just watching him. Tony knew it, and every now and then he’d sneak bashful little glances in Steve’s direction and then blush when he caught his husband’s eye._

_Steve smiled and stood up, beginning to wander over._

_Tony was in his element, and didn’t notice him until Steve slid his hands over Tony’s chest from behind and buried his nose into the stubbled cheek. He felt Tony’s responding grin. “Want something, hot stuff?”_

_Steve just nodded, kissing him quickly as the flat palm of his hand settled itself over Tony’s reactor. Then, in one swift and familiar motion, he twisted and yanked._

_Tony gasped loudly as Steve stepped back, arc reactor in hand. The shock made him fall backward, no longer supported by Steve’s body. He sat, looking down at his empty chest dumbly. Then he looked up, his face completely bewildered and terrified as he locked eyes with his husband._

_Steve just smiled, crushing the metal between his fist._

-Please, please, please, please, stop. Stop it. Stop hurting him. Please.-

_It took Tony two minutes to die, that time._

 

* * *

 

“Are you having fun, Captain?”

He blinked, feeling that familiar hand as it settled on his shoulder. Fuck, he was awake. Or was he? He couldn’t tell. His face was wet. Crying.

Oh, God, he’d killed Tony.

She laughed sweetly, patting his cheek. “See, this seems to be proving far more effective than any of the other methods,” her voice was full of delight and triumph, and he wanted to spit at her again, but his face wasn’t listening to him. He couldn’t stop crying. It was all he could see, right there, right in the front of his mind, his hands around Tony’s neck-

“Are you going to tell me what I want to know now, Captain?” She asked quietly, “or would you like me to show you some more?”

His mind raced in terror, the immediate answer of affirmation almost spilling straight out of his mouth. He wanted it to stop. Those dreams… those dreams felt so real, he could feel the coolness of the metal as it was crushed between his fist, Tony’s heart in his hand. The thought of living through something like that again made him want to vomit. Or just die. 

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t. Bucky’s life was on the line. He had to… he had to hold out. 

He shook his head once. She sighed. 

“Okay, Rogers,” her hands clapped once more, and he didn’t even bother fighting the next needle, “but I promise you, you’re going to cave next time.”

He fell back against the cold floors, ominous apprehension coiling in his gut.

 

* * *

 

_Tony was on the concrete, Steve on top of him and the ruins of New York around them both, and his mask was falling off his face, ripped and cracked open like an egg. Steve could see Tony’s eyes; blue, this time- could see his bloody mouth and his gaunt cheeks._

_“What are you waiting for?” Tony wheezed, “finish it.”  
_

_Steve, without a second of hesitation, did. And he didn’t even feel guilty about it._

 

* * *

 

_Tony stood, defiant in the centre of the room covered in the HYDRA emblems, and Steve stood on the other side of it. It was his room. And he had a question that he wanted answering._

_“Are you on my side or aren’t you?” He asked, cocking his head and stepping forward. Tony didn’t move- just watched him, numb. “I’m telling you; together, we would be unstoppable. Tony, you just have to say those two words. Those two little words, and I will make the rest of your life a luxury.”  
_

_HYDRA, no matter what Tony said, was the only way forward. He just needed the other man to understand that. The new world order would be coming, and he wanted Tony to be on the front of that. By his side. Where he belonged._

_“Rot in hell,” Tony said eventually, so much vitriol on his tongue as he spat them out, “you’re not Steve. And I will never, ever be on your side.”  
_

_Steve looked at him for a moment, checking to see whether there was even a morsel of hesitation or doubt there. Steve could work with that, if there was._

_But Tony’s face was carved in stone. There was no changing his mind._

_Steve sighed in disappointment. “You always had to be so difficult, didn’t you?” He asked, pulling out the gun from the inside of his pocket and aiming it for the centre of Tony’s chest._

_Two quick shots, and the problem was sorted. He looked across at Tony’s lifeless corpse. It was a pity, really. He would have looked beautiful on a throne._

 

* * *

 

 

The sensation of unyielding stone told him that he was waking once more. It was a relief and a horror at the same time. 

The memories burned his mind. They hurt. They hurt more than anything else he’d ever felt. He couldn’t get the image of his husband’s dead body out of his head- the body that Steve had put there-

“Changed your mind, soldier?”

Silent tears slipped down his cheeks, and he kept his eyes fixed to the ground as he shook his head. 

It wasn’t real. But Bucky’s safety was, and Steve needed to protect that.

A hand curled through his hair, yanking him up to look at her. She was smiling, yet again. “Okay,” she said, “I guess it’s time to bring out my ace card, huh?”

Oh God.

She crouched, hand still gripping his hair. “You do realize that you’re in the same facility where your little pal Bucky was conditioned, right? You do also realise, that all the equipment that we used on him is still fully functioning, just ready to be used?” Her face moved to his ear, warm breath against his clammy skin. “How do you think Tony Stark would fare against a Steve Rogers under HYDRA’s control?”

He reeled back from her in terror. “No,” he whispered, “No, please-”

“All those dreams?” She stormed on mercilessly, “any one of them might be the scenario we chose to re-enact for you. Perhaps the first one- the morning after date night? Choking him to death whilst he stares up at you and just wonders  _why-”_

Steve clenched his eyes shut. “Please, don’t hurt me like this,” he begged, “some other way. Any other way. Just not this, please-”

“You can just tell us, Steve,” she murmured gently, “if you tell us, we promise we won’t lay a finger on Tony. We just want you to comply. That’s all. We just need you to tell us where the Winter Solider is, and Tony won’t get hurt.  _You_  won’t hurt Tony.”

He choked on a sob. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t tell them, he couldn’t… but  _Tony_. Steve would rather die than hurt him. He wouldn’t be prepared for HYDRA like Bucky was, he wouldn’t know that it was Steve who was the threat, not until it was far too late.

Oh Fuck. He couldn’t. He had to protect Tony. He couldn’t let himself be the one responsible for his husband’s death. He couldn’t do it.

 

He debated begging. Debated a lot of things, in those few seconds. The woman was glaring at him as if she held all the cards- which, he figured, she did- and Steve looked down at the floor as he swallowed and licked his tongue over cracked lips. 

Before he could do anything else, though- before he could cave, break under HYDRA's force and just give them what they wanted- he heard something. A distant whirring, steadily getting louder. Louder. Familiar.

Home. 

The woman's face dropped, and she turned to face Steve, reaching out to grab him. But she never made it there. Because a moment later, the wall caved in and the world burst into red and gold.

 

* * *

 

He woke up, and the first thing that he saw was Tony. 

He was sat on a chair by Steve’s side, head bowed, seemingly asleep. His hand lay loosely over Steve’s, finger entwined, and the other hand sat bracing his cheek, holding him somewhat-upright. 

Steve looked at him for a good, long while before tentatively closing his fingers around Tony’s wrist, terrified of the answer he would receive from it. But it was okay. There was a pulse. Tony was alive. 

Steve remembered the woman’s words, from earlier. About what they could make him do.

“-ve, Steve, relax, calm down, hey hey hey, stop-” that was Tony’s voice, Tony’s hands trying to pull him back, keep him close but he  _couldn’t_ be close, he couldn’t, he had no idea whether HYDRA had got to him, Tony was in danger, in danger from  _him_ , oh God, oh no-

his back hit the solid wall at the other end of the room and Tony looked like he was going to follow him, he was vaulting the bed and getting close, eyes wide and face panicked, and Steve had no other choice. 

 

He turned around and slammed his head as hard as he could against the wall, immediately feeling the pain and darkness intermingle as one and him forcefully back into the blank nothing of unconsciousness. 

 

* * *

 

The next time he woke up, Bruce was in the seat Tony had been in, looking down at a tablet with a face full of frowning lines.

Steve watched him for a few seconds, gauging how ready his mouth was to talk. His head ached. Every bone in his body seemed to hurt, in fact. Like he’d been put through a meat grinder. 

He decided on moving, instead of speaking- reaching out and prodding Bruce with a finger. He smiled weakly when the man jumped. “Jesus, Steve- you’re awake. Good. Hey. How you feeling, buddy?”

Steve shrugged. “like shit,” he said, voice croaky, “how long have I been out?”

Bruce checked his watch. “Since the first time you woke, three hours. Since getting back from the HYDRA cell, it’s been about 38.”

Steve nodded slowly, shutting his eyes. “Have you scanned me?” He asked quietly, “my brain. You scan that?”

Bruce sighed. “They didn’t brainwash you, Steve. I promise.”

“Did you scan me?” He asked firmly, pulling his eyes back open in order to glare at Bruce.

“Yes,” the man told him, just as firm, “everything. Especially after you rammed your head into the wall for seemingly no reason at all. You’ve been through every machine we got here, and you came up clean. Your wounds have already mostly healed, and we put you on a drip to get you re-hydrated. No lasting damage as far as we can tell.” Bruce’s face went more serious, and he rested his hand against Steve’s arm. “I know what they said they were going to do. We all know. Tony was watching through the hacked CCTV footage. But they didn’t. I promise. They never got the chance. Tony blew through and- uh- took care of them all, before they could lay another finger on you.”

Steve breathed in sharply through his nose, looking at Bruce closely for a few more moments before nodding. “How’s he doing?” he asked quietly.

Bruce’s smile was tired, and he ran a few fingers over his face. “You can ask him yourself, so long as you promise not to hurt yourself when you see him. He’s waiting outside, undoubtedly listening to every word we say through these shitty bolster-wood doors.”

There was a beat of silence, and then a sullen-sounding “am not,” came from the other side of the room, behind the off-white door opposite them. Steve smiled weakly, looking at Bruce.

“You stay, please,” he asked, “just in case. I don’t- if I… you need to stop me. Any means necessary, and I’m serious about that, alr-”

“ _Nothing_ is going to happen,” Bruce told him firmly, “but I can stay if you really want. Just don’t fuck in front of me, okay?”

Steve grinned wryly, and then turned to look at the door. “You can come in, Tony,” he said.

Barely even a second later, Tony had pushed open the door, crossed the room and then slid easily onto the bed alongside Steve, wary of the injuries to his left flank. Steve blinked in surprise- more rapid than he’d been expecting, that was for sure. 

Tony looked up at him with at least four day’s worth of stubble, and possibly three day’s worth of no sleep under his eyes. He looked like shit. Even worse than Steve did, probably, which was saying something. 

“Hey,” he whispered, hands coming up and framing Steve’s face, “how you holding up, soldier?”

Steve just looked down at him with a heavy swallow. Nothing was going to happen. He hadn’t been used. Tony had gotten to him in time. 

He still couldn’t get rid of the memories, though.

“Not too great,” Steve admitted with a strained smile, pressing his thumbs gently into the insides of Tony’s wrists, feeling the pulse once more. He felt nervous- he didn’t want to touch him in case something happened. Steve could still picture Tony, choking under all the insurmountable power that he held under his palms. “HYDRA did a number on me.”

Tony laughed, shutting his eyes and then resting his head into the hollow of Steve’s neck. “No shit.” He breathed out and kissed Steve’s bare skin. “But you’re okay now. You’re safe. We got you. I promise, you’re not… whatever they showed you, it was not real. It won’t ever be real.”

Tony smelt so familiar. Metallic. He must not have showered since taking off the suit, because Steve could still smell it on him. He took a deep breath of it, pressing his mouth against Tony’s hair and wrapping his arms delicately around Tony’s waist. He couldn’t help it. He just had to  _feel_. And he knew The Hulk would take care of him if something did go wrong. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispered, unable to stop himself, “I know it wasn’t real, I know, but it felt like it was. I felt like I was… doing that. And I’m so sorry. I’m so so-”

“Hey, shhhh,” Tony moved his head and kissed his moving lips gently, “it’s alright. You weren’t. You wouldn’t. We both know that.”

Steve nodded slowly. “Yeah,” he breathed “yeah, I know. I love you. I love you so much. I wouldn’t… I was going to tell them what they wanted. About Bucky. To stop them.” He looked down in shame, the heavy guilt curling tight in his gut. “I wouldn’t have been able to… I’m sorry, I’m just-”

“It’s not your fault, Steve,” Tony murmured, fingers brushing over the indents of Steve’s chest, “I would’ve done the same. If it was Rhodey, I mean. He would have stood a way better chance at kicking their asses than you would’ve done against me with full intention of trying to hurt you. Because you would’ve trusted me. You would never have expected it. Rhodey is ready to throw down 24/7. And so is Bucky. You know that.” He leaned up, kissing Steve slowly, “Bucky’s just glad you’re safe. Promise.”

Steve swallowed a lump in his throat, his hands going tighter around Tony and holding him close. It had been a horrible few days, and they were undoubtedly going to stick with him for a while. But he had Tony with him, and Tony was alive, and Steve was never ever going to be the one to change that. He was certain. 

“Bruce,” he said, looking up at the other man as he stood on the opposite end of the room and continued to fiddle with his tablet, “you can go now, thanks.”

Bruce looked up. “You sure? I might just do some more checkups now that you’re a little more coherent, just to ch- oh, whoah, okay there lovebirds, I’m going, I’m going,” Bruce pulled a face and raised his hands, shielding himself from the two of them as Steve pulled Tony onto his chest so the other man was straddling him, their soft kisses turning very suddenly more dirty as they reached the ‘thank God you’re alive’ stage of their reunion. “Switch off the heart-rate monitor before the nurses think Steve’s having a heart attack, please.”

Bruce turned and left without another word, leaving the two of them to fully re-acquaint with one another after those four long days of absence. Tony made sure to avoid the particularly deep wound in Steve’s side as he rolled his hips against the other man, and Steve reached out blindly for the monitor on his left, grabbing blindly until he found grip on a wire and tugged. The fast beats cut off with a burst of static, and they both laughed in amusement in between their frantic kisses. 

Steve figured they were gonna be okay.


End file.
